Frustration

I am tired of people.

They disgust me. 

They are compelling and repulsive and horrible and wonderful,

 and I can't help wishing they would just pick a feature and stick with it.

I hate this constant back and forth of emotion.

Never knowing whether or not I hate this person.

Never knowing if I'm making the right decision.
Never knowing who I can trust
who I can't.
I need a break.
Better yet,
a world of black and white.

On a much lighter note
I have rekindled my love for Rufus Wainwright.
He is a master, a wizard.
And I love him so.

Change

I am making a change. Hopefully for the better, but who can tell?

I've always recorded my thoughts on this or that because I've no one to share them with. No one I trust.  I don't much trust this idea of the internet either, but at least my thoughts won't be static anymore.

I've always been afraid of understanding from other people. I don't want it. I don't need it. And I'm not sure if I want anyone to read this either. I'm not going to advertise this, and if no one reads it, all the better.

But some part of me hopes that these words will reach someone. 

And I hope it matters.