Title.

I don't know what anything is anymore. Everything I thought was set in stone, a mere illusion.  A trick of the light. I struggle with myself. I struggle with my life. I try to hold on, but everything around me is smoke. Smoke and mirrors. A parlor trick. Is that what life is?

Project

I have started a new project.

You don't need to know the details,

but occasionally I will post pieces of it.

Lately my life has been stressful.

Hectic.

I haven't had much time for anything except school,

but I have a plan for Christmas and that cheers me up.

Oh, I did see Hamlet at the Rep.

Twice.

And I saw Wicked at Robinson Hall.

Both absolutely amazing.

I'll be back soon.

Promise.

Frustration

I am tired of people.

They disgust me. 

They are compelling and repulsive and horrible and wonderful,

 and I can't help wishing they would just pick a feature and stick with it.

I hate this constant back and forth of emotion.

Never knowing whether or not I hate this person.

Never knowing if I'm making the right decision.
Never knowing who I can trust
who I can't.
I need a break.
Better yet,
a world of black and white.

On a much lighter note
I have rekindled my love for Rufus Wainwright.
He is a master, a wizard.
And I love him so.

Change

I am making a change. Hopefully for the better, but who can tell?

I've always recorded my thoughts on this or that because I've no one to share them with. No one I trust.  I don't much trust this idea of the internet either, but at least my thoughts won't be static anymore.

I've always been afraid of understanding from other people. I don't want it. I don't need it. And I'm not sure if I want anyone to read this either. I'm not going to advertise this, and if no one reads it, all the better.

But some part of me hopes that these words will reach someone. 

And I hope it matters.